Dogs and Horoscopes?

So my boyfriend and I were driving around the other day and we just out of no where deciced to get another dog. We had 2 at one point but they were puppies and just way out of our league at the time because we were never home and we really didn't have the patience in order to train them. So we gave one to one of his friends and one to my brother. But now, we have one older one. His name is snow and he was his mothers dog but she had to give him to her brother and he just kept him outside and it was really sad so we took him. Either way though, he is HUGE...he is a pitbull so of course he is huge but when I say huge, I mean his head is like the size of 2 of my heads. But anyway, when we found a couple of palces and were driving, I was looking at the horoscopes cause I'm a horoscope phynatic and my boyfriends said that he should start a project with his spouse cause it would make things a little better and it would be fun so that proved to him that the horoscopes are real. He always asked me why I read them cause they weren't even true. I agree with him partially but half the time, you can relate to it somehow cause it goes with your personality not just you. I love them though.
Now this dog thing, we are planning on getting another one but we just haven't found one. There's a syberian husky for 100$ but that's a little out of our price range. Who knows... I'll keep in touch!!

End of Highschool

So there are like 11 more days of school left, if I do Senior skip day which I probably will but we will see. I am so excited for the fact that I have been through hell this last trimester and still am but I am going to get by. Plus prom is on Saturday, I am going by myself but will probably hook up with a friend there or something since my boyfriend is stupid and doesn't wanna go. My dress is very very pretty. I was excited about it cause it was ONLY 40 dollars and my boyfriend loved it. I had to pick it out myself cause he was at work and my friend didn't answer her phone but I am content with it.

Anyway... I am super excited for Prom and Graduation just for the fact that I am FINALLY walking the stage and having all of my family whistle and blow just as I did for my friends and such. I am going to probably have a lot of people there for the fact that there has been a lot of people here for me throughout my Senior year to get me going and such. I am going to be sad to leave though. When I wake up in the morning it is going to be weird not having to go to school anymore and when I drive by Kennedy to go to my parents house, I am going to remember all the memories Kennedy left me, or I left Kennedy.

Either way, I, Carli Wagner, am graduating from Kennedy Highschool on May 28th, 2009. 11 days away everybody!!!!

MoThErS

So....as I've noticed there are plently of younger girls getting pregnant these days. There aren't as many pregnant ones this year as there has been in the past years are Kennedy Highschool but still. I've always been the type that wants to wait until I find the right person and I'm sure these girls have said the same thing but broke their self promise.
Either way, having a baby is a beautiful thing. After all of the pain and suffering throughout the pregnancy and till the end of it, it all is worth it once you see that beautiful baby. A mother and their child are said to have the most connection in a relationship then anyone else. I could see it cause they were connected to her body you know. Eating what she's already eaten, drank. Making her pee and throw up and such.
I am personally very connected to my mother. Most girls are more connected to their mother than their father anyway but me and my mother are like twins. We look a like, talk a like, act a like. Everything. I feel bad for everything I've ever done to her to hurt her feelings cause me and my 3 older brother have put her through a lot and I feeld bad for it when ever I think about it.
The reason I am writing about this is because last Sunday was Mother's Day and I would like to make a shout out to all of those mothers out there.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOMS!!!

Good Greif, BAD Greif

I don't know exactly how to act towards someone that has just lost a family member. I know you can say that your sorry and God bless the family but what else can you do?

My boyfriend's aunt was just murdered last Wednesday. They found her body in a motel but didn't know how it happened. I was horrified. I was scared. I was sorry for him. I met her once when she came to Cedar Rapids from Chicago. I gave her a ride from the bus station and back. I was basically the last person she had seen before leaving back to Chicago in January.

So we went up there as soon as possible. We left around 2 in the afternoon last Thursday. He wanted to be with his family and for some odd reason, so did I. We went, the next morning we saw her body and found out she was shot in the head 2 times and 3 times in the body. Her 2 sons were there to view it for the first time too and just seeing them stand there and give their last good bye's to their mother in that way, left me teary eyed. I couldn't let my boyfriend see me cry but my eyes were very moist I'll tell you that.

I could tell my boyfriend was sad, he just wasn't showing it. All I could do was comfort him at night and be by his side throughout the day. And that's exactly what I did.

Now we have to go back this weekend for the funeral on Monday. I don't know what's going to happen but I will still be there to help with the family's grievances.

***R.I.P Regina Warren***

Physical Abuse Poem

So when I was writing the post about abusive relationships, it gave me another idea for another class. I am in 6th hour creative writing and we are working on poems. We were told to make a unit piece for Iambic meter and my poem was based upon an abusive relationship. Here it goes.

I stare at the ceiling from my cozy bed,

Trying to get these thoughts out of my head.

Running fast then slow like a broken movie tape,

Tell me why I feel I need to escape.

Out of this world I need to be led.

I pull the blankets up over my swollen face.

How could I let this happen, I'm such a disgrace.

We were perfectly fine, joking around like a normal couple.

Then all of a sudden my vision began to double.

The blood in my mouth I could taste.

I push you away but you still swing those hands.

I start to bed as I lose count of the lands.

Next thing I know I'm laying on the cold floor.

Someone stands over me saying "that's enough man, no more".

How grateful I am of that persons demands.

I pull the blankets down and wipe away the tears.

This is what I get after all of the years?

You know, it's okay though, I'll be fine by myself.

I can't think of you but rather my own health.

So goodbye love and my worst fears.

This isn't a true situation, it just came to mind as I began to write. A lot of people told me it was really good but what do you think? Does it run smoothly? Go with the abusive relationship well?

Wondering

Have you ever just sat ther and wondered what someone was doing at the moment? Whether it be your loved one, your mother, father, brother, sister or even you dog. Just sit there and wonder. You asked them what they were going to do that day and you concented to it but you still wonder if that is what they are doing.
I personally do it all the time with my boyfriend. We share a phone so I can only call him before my lunch in order to see where I should go to see him. I always wonder about him though. Cause really, he could tell me one thing and go do something else and I would never know. He could go from 8 till 11 with some other girl and I would never know. That's what trust is for though. Maybe I don't trust him. He's put me in situations that cause me to wonder though. I hate it.
Do you have a situation like this? Even with your dog?

Family

So this last weekend was Easter...I hope everyone had a good one. I personally got to enjoy 2 hours of the day and then I had to go to work and deal with some drama for most of the day. Anyway, I was just thinking. You know how if there is part of the family that you just don't get along with because of things they've done or said. Or it's just a family from a marriage, and there's just that void between them and the rest of the family.
I don't know if anyone else has the same problem but I have another side of the family from a marriage and my brothers and I don't like the marriage part of it anyway but the family is just not us. They get invited to the dinner for the sake that they invite us but they don't visit, they don't eat, anything with us. They may say hello but after that, it's a void and they go and sit with the family they see everyday.
I can't blame them though cause I really do the same thing. I just don't feel like conversating with people that I really don't know and their really not even my family.
Anybody else?

Giving up

I think there's a time in everyone's life when you feel like you just need to give up. Like your tired of everything and your body feels weak, like you don't want to anything at all, no work, school, friends. This weekend I decided that I give up. I try and try and try to make things happen but everything goes against it so I give up.
How are you suppose to make things work if you don't do what someone asks you to do.
And, please, tell me, how you are suppose to make someone go away but your showing them you want them there at the same time. I just don't understand.
This all goes back to men by the way. I think men are rediculously stupid. They don't understand how to deal with their problems once they've started them so they go against y ou and your the one that's already mad at them but now their mad at you so it ends up being y ou sucking up when from the beginning it was really them.
I love my man to death but he needs to figure his s**t(excuse my language) out quick. He doesn't know exactly what he wants I think. He left a situation unsolved and now it's been 6 months and it's still not solved cause he keeps adding to it instead of leaving it alone. Causing more drama and more problems. I have enough in my life, why can't he see that?

Last but not least...Emotional Abuse

This one is pretty sad too but lets talk about Emotional Abuse. Most of the time it is someone telling another stuff that that person is believing. Like a man telling a woman that he loves her to much to let her go outside and have anybody else look at her. Sometimes it's even more as simple as she just can't go outside.
I can't believe woman fall for it though. Sometimes it gets to the point where the man gets into physical abuse so she really has no choice but to listen since he is much stronger than her but if she tried hard enough she could get out.
One of my friends told me yesturday that she can't even wear makeup without her man thinking she is getting pretty for someone at work cause that's the only place she goes. That is a perfect example of this abuse.
I don't know what else to say about this but I think women need to stop being so gullible when they have proof of something horrible from their man and they still believe their man loves them. Get it together girls!!!

Sexual Abuse

I hate talking about this issue cause it happens with everyone. Men, Women, children, probably even animals who knows. There are so many stories out there of people getting sexually abused these days. Mainly little kids and then that sad part is they are getting murdered. That's mainly why I hate talking about it.
The main thing about sexual abuse is the word consent. If you give consent to someone to have sex with you or even if you don't say yes but you just let it happen, you can't run afterwards and yell help. If you were to start to let it happen but then tell the man to stop and he doesn't you can probably go for him.
Women are the main victims of sexual abuse. Men are just too greedy and want what they see and if they can't have it, they will get it. That's mainly what they think but once their caught they can't believe they were thinking it.
I personally don't think men can even be sexually abused. They have to let it happen. I could see it by another man but if they were to say a woman sexually abused them, I couldn't see it, I mean the man has to be "ready" to even make the woman feel good. I guess it happens though.
Now children...sad sad sad. I can't believe how people can do it. Even their own children! The sad part about it is children don't know how to make it stop. They are not strong enough mentally or physically. A man can rape a young girl and he could tell her not to tell or he will kill her and they really believe it. They could go years and years before realizing what they could do about it. That's the sad part.
Another part of sexual abuse is just the fact that a man over the age of 18 could have sex with a woman under the age of 18 and that woman's parents find out and they want the man to get in trouble. The girl has to go with her parents or she won't have anybody and the man is still going to get in trouble. Maybe even probation, many get prison time.
I heard a story about a man that traveled across Illinois border to have sex with a 12 year old girl when he was 23, they met online and decided to meet.....3 times... and the next thing you know he got a hotel room for them to stay in one night. Anyway, he got 10 years for the abuse, traveling across the border and he was already talking to another under age girl on the internet when police arrested him.
See what I mean when I say sad. The things people do these days just for a little action. Jeez...get a girlfriend and hide out for a couple days if your that desperate.

Domestic Abuse

I want to get into a more serious subject today. Abuse. Whether it be sexual, physical or emotional. There always seems to be one, if not more of them in relationships. I will get into each one of them seperately, my next few posts will be about each abuse, lets start with Physical.
I just want to say right off that bat to all women....if a man EVER closes his fist and hits you, he has no feelings for you at all, he may say he is sorry later but he doesn't see you as his female, he sees you just as he would another man. I think it is just wrong for a man to hit a female anyway but believe me there are times when a female needs a slap upside the head to get it back in place. I may even need one from time to time but when it gets the point where bruises are left, that's abuse. Many girls are so into their relationship that they take their man's apology time after time until he gets to the point where he does it at any point in time but girls, please.... see it from the beginning...take my advice and don't let a man ever hit you. Don't even be afraid of him, if he hits you, hit his dumb ass back, give him what he gave you. Same goes for you guys but if you let a female take over and hit you with out you doing anything I'm sorry but your a puss.
If anyone is going through a this type of dilemma go to http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/abuse.html it tells you how to get out of it and even where to get help.
You can also send me a comment or even e-mail me at Carmar2591@yahoo.com if you would like some advice, I've never been in such a position but I am very caring and know what is wrong and when it is wrong so please, come to me if you need some advice.

Why Lie?

I hate when people lie. I mean there is a difference between a white lie and a lie. A white lie is just something little that WON'T hurt someone in the long run but a lie is something that you use to get out of a predicament and hurts you and/or another person in the long run.
I just hate the fact that people lie and get caught up in the lie and then try to deny it. They think their slick though, cause it's a lie, so when you want the truth they had time to think and get an alternative answer to what was really going on. Or even lying to a person about another person. For example my boyfriends ex(still obsessed over him after 6 months) tells me all the time that they seen eachother whether it be at his work or he went to her house or something like that so then it goes to me asking him what the truth is. Don't forget I'm either at school or work when the stuff she talks about had happened. So then he tells me what he tells me and of course I'm going to believe him but that lie is always going to be stuck in my head. I am constantly pondering on what really happened. He's been telling me that I'm going to let her break us up(cause thats what she wants obviously since I have him) cause I believe what she says but I go into I'm not believing it, I'm just thinking about it. So that's why I hate lies cause I never know what to believe.

What do you think? Do you lie to get what you want? Do you ever think about a lie later and wonder if Karma is going to come around? Let me know...

Doctors

I think it's funny going to the doctor ecspecially if you have a family doctor that you see with all of your problems. There's just this weird relationship you have with them. Like you can say one word and they know exactly what you mean cause they supposedly know you so well. Then you can talk about anything like you guys are best friends. I always seem to leave the doctor a little happier knowing that I have that kind of relationship with my doctor.

Which makes me go into my job. I work at The Views, it's 3 nursing homes in a row on F avenue, as a CNA. I just can't even explain the relationships I have with the residents I take care of. I just want to say I love my job there, it's so comforting and fun that it just takes all of my worries away when I go in. Anyway I have different relationships with each resident cause each resident is different. I know how each one works just within the first couple of months I've worked there. As usual I seem to have a stronger relationship with the females cause we just understand eachother. There are very few males at the buildings but most of them are just simple cares where there isn't much talking but with the few that get a little more attention, we just joke around and have fun with the day. Sometimes I wonder if the residents really see us as workers or if they see us as one of their own. I'm not sure but there are some residents that I am closer to than others just cause our personalities click.

Do you have relationships like this at your job?

Changes

As a follower of One cute little "dimple", I noticed she had written about changes. She had stated that everyday we have to make life changing decisions whether it is what to wear or what to eat or what to do, but then we also have to make huge decisions that will change your life forever. I feel her on that.

I want to relate this to relationships. As we all get older we have to face the decision of whether we are going to move out or not. If we do, we decide to make the relationship change with our parents. As we are excited to finally get freedom, they are dreading the move and letting their "baby" go.

Then there are the relationships with lovers. There are so many decisions to make inside of a love relationship. Like whether you can trust them, if you want to marry them, if you really want to take the chance of hanging out with another male/female. There's so many and in just an instant those decisions can change your life forever. I'm in the middle of one of these decisions. I'm hoping it will change in a good way but we'll see.

How many times have you had to make a life decision? Did it change for the good? Let me know if you need some advice in making a decision.

Blogging is AWESOME!!!

Blogging is amazing. I'm not sure how to explain it, many people use blogs to talk about many things. Some use it for advice such as me, some use it to get their feelings out, some use it to talk about current events, about books,movies, etc. and some use it just to be on a blog.
I love blogging. I had a blog on www.xanga.com but I stopped using that a long time ago because www.facebook.com and www.myspace.com came out( a place to find friends but you can also blog) and I shifted my attention to those. On that one I talked about my life and what was going on it. For some reason, it is easier for me to get my feelings out when I write rather than speak. I think it's cause I have more time to think and I can't mess up as much as when I would speak out loud which I tend to do so or am told I do so.
This blogging thing on google is kinda neat. I never heard of it before and didn't even know google had a more and even more button. After this blog I may just have to make a different one for myself cause if I didn't know about it, maybe theres other people that don't know about it in Cedar Rapids and no one will ever find out about what I have to say so I can just blog and blog and blog about anything and everything and no one will know. For you though Mr. Ayers. I don't have a hard time blogging on this topic I choose, it's the fact that when I write about a certain topic I like to write a lot so I get all of my thoughts and advice out so in that case, I use all of my words but don't write as many posts so there goes my grade down the drain hole. It's cool though, I think you know I do what I can and help me out, right? Right!
That's it though. I'm out like a boyscout on a hiking trip. Hope you enjoyed my posts this term and I will see you soon. Ta Ta now!

Hate is in the air...

Tell me why there is so much competition in highschool. You make it through middle school with just drama but when you get into highschool it seems as though there's competition added to it. Not only with friends but silly stuff like where you sit for example, there's always someone that takes the spot you wanted. One of the people get mad and say some mean things and want to fight with them and the other just sits there and laughs cause they got what they wanted. Like really, what is the other person suppose to do? Tip the chair over so they fall out and get their ass beat? I don't think so. That's why I just walk away. I've become to hate fighting and arguing over silly little things. There's always that one person though that's going to jerk your chain and set off a button. Just remember to walk away, don't start anything your going to regret ecspecially when your not the one that's immature.

T.R.U.S.T

I hate the fact that trust is so hard to recieve and give. I personally don't trust anybody but myself. I've had to many heartbreaks with men to trust them, my mother lost my trust when I was 12 and anybody else in my family isn't close enough for me to talk to them about my personal issues cause who knows who their going to tell.

There's an issue in today's society with trust. You don't know who you can and cannot trust cause everybody lies these days. You tell them something very important and they go and tell somebody. There's people out there that they make you think you can trust them and then all of a sudden, BOOM, it's the police. I haven't had an incident in that case but I know some people who have. Then there's people that you tell them you have something or you did something and they go and snitch on you. I hate snitchers.

Most of all I hate trusting men. I have a trust issue with my boyfriend right now because there are intances that just don't add up and he has something in his head that he can do whatever he wants so when I get mad at him, I'm the one losing out. That's why I gave up, even though tomorrow, I'll be mad at him for the same thing so I guess you could call me a hypocrite inside of this post.

Friends will be friends but not always till the end...

I have had many friends through out my 17 almost 18 years of life. I don't know why it took till my 18th year to realize what friends are truly friends. I shouldn't be talking though, some of my old friends are probably saying the same thing about me. How do you know if your friend is truly your friend? Maybe you just have to go through the situation to realize whether they are or not. I know from the beginning, how they act toward me and how much effort they put into the relationship.

There are friends that put everything into it, like me with my big hearted self, and then there are friends that put some effort into it, the ones that say they care but don't show it. There are friends that are just users, whether for a ride or for sex, then there are friends that are friends from the past that you have just lost touch with.

One of my friends birthdays is today and we were going to hangout last night but she had to work until 9 pm and by the time she got off, she wanted to go home and take a shower and then come hangout for a little bit but it was 9 pm and I had to be up for school. I told her to just come over before she went home, it wouldn't take long and then she could go do her other business, well that wasn't good enough, she felt disgusting and needed to shower. She said she had something else to go do real quick and then she would call me and that it would be a minute and then she would call me. I just didn't expect her to come. You know how people get this tone in their voice when you ask them to do something and you can just tell they don't want to and then right as you expect it they come up with an excuse? That's how it was so I just fell asleep with my boyfriend and puppies. I'm use to this by now, with my cousin doing the same thing a week before, I've learned to just ignore it but when they need me next, I won't be there just as they did me.

I do the same thing to people though, I'm a hypocrite, I admit it. Except it's not my fault. I hate telling people no so I tell them yes and then just ignore them the rest of the day like I totally forgot. It's an excuse for me though, I have a huge heart and people know that so they kind of take advantage of it but when I do tell them no, I'm the worst person in the world. I hate to even think of telling people no due to the fact that they will hate me. I'm starting to get the notion in me not to care though cause most of my friends don't do anything for me.

Does anyone else have the same feelings? Any friends that just don't care they just want to use you? Please enlighten me on your stories and the feelings you have towards them, if you need some advice let me know too, like I said I have a big heart, I'm here for those who need to chat. Ta Ta for now ladies and gents!!!

My heart is laying on the floor...

Just a thought to ponder on...What do you do when your heart is laying on the floor and there's no one there to help you pick it up?

If you can answer these questions, were floating in the same boat...

• Why do people give up EVERYTHING for a person when that person doesn't want to do the same?
• Why is it that qirls seem to run back to a man even when he does something wrong?
• Why can men not see love?
• Why do men think it's okay for them to do something but it's so wrong if the woman does it?
• WHY DOES LOVE HURT SO MUCH?

I don't understand why girls put up with so much with their men and the men don't see that they are hurting inside by thier actions. If only they could see how we really feel ladies, maybe your not putting up with the same BS that I am and if your not, give yourself a pat on the back cause I just keep putting myself through hell. This needs to stop, my heart will no longer lay on the floor waiting for this someone to pick it up...I'm selling the empty space in my chest for 20 dollars a month...any takers?

OH NO...I think I got somethin....

Not me literally...I'm talking in general. Have you ever thought about maybe you have an STD?, asking yourself do I have itching? Discharge? Bumps? I'm sure it goes through everyone's mind as they become sexually active. What do you do though when your partner thinks they have an STD, do you automatically think they cheated on you or hope to god it's just a bacteria infection from the new laundry soap? I'd take it step by step and stay with the partner until things are worked out, offer to go get checked also to make sure it wasn't you that gave it to them. Time would go faster like that in this situation.
I know you all are getting tired of the same talk every year from the school nurse and others and I'm sure you don't want to hear it from me but sometimes I think it's better to hear it from a peer than an adult who doesn't have any idea what is going through our minds in this generation.

The start of STD's (from http://www.epigee.org/)

• Sexually transmitted diseases (also called STDs) are infections that can be transferred from one person to another through sexual contact.
• According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are over 15 million cases of sexually transmitted disease cases reported annually in the United States.
• Other than HIV, the most common STDs in the United States are chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes, human papillomavirus, hepatitis B, trichomoniasis, and bacterial vaginosis.
• Adolescents and young adults are the age groups at the greatest risk for acquiring an STD.

From what I have heard, women are more prone to pass it on to men then men to women. Both men and women can have an STD for a period of time before ever getting symptoms, sometimes you don't even get symptoms at all. The best way to prevent getting an STD is to wear protection, obviously. There are many kinds of condoms out there you know, even ones for females so they get the excitement too. If you ever get into a situation where you don't have one or your partner doesn't want to use one, I'd say leave but that's your genitals your risking. Also, don't be a bust down. Stick to one having sex with one person. STD's are spread around by having sex with multiple partners because if you don't know the person, you don't know what they have and they more then likely aren't going to tell you.

So do me a favor ladie and gentlemen, be safe!!! Wrap it up before you mess it up!! You don't want to get an STD that could ruin your life forever or possibly even the awesome relationship you are in. Go get tested if you have any feeling that you may have been in contact with such bacteria. I hope I talked some since into all you youngens having sex...have a good day!