Good Greif, BAD Greif

I don't know exactly how to act towards someone that has just lost a family member. I know you can say that your sorry and God bless the family but what else can you do?

My boyfriend's aunt was just murdered last Wednesday. They found her body in a motel but didn't know how it happened. I was horrified. I was scared. I was sorry for him. I met her once when she came to Cedar Rapids from Chicago. I gave her a ride from the bus station and back. I was basically the last person she had seen before leaving back to Chicago in January.

So we went up there as soon as possible. We left around 2 in the afternoon last Thursday. He wanted to be with his family and for some odd reason, so did I. We went, the next morning we saw her body and found out she was shot in the head 2 times and 3 times in the body. Her 2 sons were there to view it for the first time too and just seeing them stand there and give their last good bye's to their mother in that way, left me teary eyed. I couldn't let my boyfriend see me cry but my eyes were very moist I'll tell you that.

I could tell my boyfriend was sad, he just wasn't showing it. All I could do was comfort him at night and be by his side throughout the day. And that's exactly what I did.

Now we have to go back this weekend for the funeral on Monday. I don't know what's going to happen but I will still be there to help with the family's grievances.

***R.I.P Regina Warren***

Physical Abuse Poem

So when I was writing the post about abusive relationships, it gave me another idea for another class. I am in 6th hour creative writing and we are working on poems. We were told to make a unit piece for Iambic meter and my poem was based upon an abusive relationship. Here it goes.

I stare at the ceiling from my cozy bed,

Trying to get these thoughts out of my head.

Running fast then slow like a broken movie tape,

Tell me why I feel I need to escape.

Out of this world I need to be led.

I pull the blankets up over my swollen face.

How could I let this happen, I'm such a disgrace.

We were perfectly fine, joking around like a normal couple.

Then all of a sudden my vision began to double.

The blood in my mouth I could taste.

I push you away but you still swing those hands.

I start to bed as I lose count of the lands.

Next thing I know I'm laying on the cold floor.

Someone stands over me saying "that's enough man, no more".

How grateful I am of that persons demands.

I pull the blankets down and wipe away the tears.

This is what I get after all of the years?

You know, it's okay though, I'll be fine by myself.

I can't think of you but rather my own health.

So goodbye love and my worst fears.

This isn't a true situation, it just came to mind as I began to write. A lot of people told me it was really good but what do you think? Does it run smoothly? Go with the abusive relationship well?

Wondering

Have you ever just sat ther and wondered what someone was doing at the moment? Whether it be your loved one, your mother, father, brother, sister or even you dog. Just sit there and wonder. You asked them what they were going to do that day and you concented to it but you still wonder if that is what they are doing.
I personally do it all the time with my boyfriend. We share a phone so I can only call him before my lunch in order to see where I should go to see him. I always wonder about him though. Cause really, he could tell me one thing and go do something else and I would never know. He could go from 8 till 11 with some other girl and I would never know. That's what trust is for though. Maybe I don't trust him. He's put me in situations that cause me to wonder though. I hate it.
Do you have a situation like this? Even with your dog?

Family

So this last weekend was Easter...I hope everyone had a good one. I personally got to enjoy 2 hours of the day and then I had to go to work and deal with some drama for most of the day. Anyway, I was just thinking. You know how if there is part of the family that you just don't get along with because of things they've done or said. Or it's just a family from a marriage, and there's just that void between them and the rest of the family.
I don't know if anyone else has the same problem but I have another side of the family from a marriage and my brothers and I don't like the marriage part of it anyway but the family is just not us. They get invited to the dinner for the sake that they invite us but they don't visit, they don't eat, anything with us. They may say hello but after that, it's a void and they go and sit with the family they see everyday.
I can't blame them though cause I really do the same thing. I just don't feel like conversating with people that I really don't know and their really not even my family.
Anybody else?

Giving up

I think there's a time in everyone's life when you feel like you just need to give up. Like your tired of everything and your body feels weak, like you don't want to anything at all, no work, school, friends. This weekend I decided that I give up. I try and try and try to make things happen but everything goes against it so I give up.
How are you suppose to make things work if you don't do what someone asks you to do.
And, please, tell me, how you are suppose to make someone go away but your showing them you want them there at the same time. I just don't understand.
This all goes back to men by the way. I think men are rediculously stupid. They don't understand how to deal with their problems once they've started them so they go against y ou and your the one that's already mad at them but now their mad at you so it ends up being y ou sucking up when from the beginning it was really them.
I love my man to death but he needs to figure his s**t(excuse my language) out quick. He doesn't know exactly what he wants I think. He left a situation unsolved and now it's been 6 months and it's still not solved cause he keeps adding to it instead of leaving it alone. Causing more drama and more problems. I have enough in my life, why can't he see that?

Last but not least...Emotional Abuse

This one is pretty sad too but lets talk about Emotional Abuse. Most of the time it is someone telling another stuff that that person is believing. Like a man telling a woman that he loves her to much to let her go outside and have anybody else look at her. Sometimes it's even more as simple as she just can't go outside.
I can't believe woman fall for it though. Sometimes it gets to the point where the man gets into physical abuse so she really has no choice but to listen since he is much stronger than her but if she tried hard enough she could get out.
One of my friends told me yesturday that she can't even wear makeup without her man thinking she is getting pretty for someone at work cause that's the only place she goes. That is a perfect example of this abuse.
I don't know what else to say about this but I think women need to stop being so gullible when they have proof of something horrible from their man and they still believe their man loves them. Get it together girls!!!

Sexual Abuse

I hate talking about this issue cause it happens with everyone. Men, Women, children, probably even animals who knows. There are so many stories out there of people getting sexually abused these days. Mainly little kids and then that sad part is they are getting murdered. That's mainly why I hate talking about it.
The main thing about sexual abuse is the word consent. If you give consent to someone to have sex with you or even if you don't say yes but you just let it happen, you can't run afterwards and yell help. If you were to start to let it happen but then tell the man to stop and he doesn't you can probably go for him.
Women are the main victims of sexual abuse. Men are just too greedy and want what they see and if they can't have it, they will get it. That's mainly what they think but once their caught they can't believe they were thinking it.
I personally don't think men can even be sexually abused. They have to let it happen. I could see it by another man but if they were to say a woman sexually abused them, I couldn't see it, I mean the man has to be "ready" to even make the woman feel good. I guess it happens though.
Now children...sad sad sad. I can't believe how people can do it. Even their own children! The sad part about it is children don't know how to make it stop. They are not strong enough mentally or physically. A man can rape a young girl and he could tell her not to tell or he will kill her and they really believe it. They could go years and years before realizing what they could do about it. That's the sad part.
Another part of sexual abuse is just the fact that a man over the age of 18 could have sex with a woman under the age of 18 and that woman's parents find out and they want the man to get in trouble. The girl has to go with her parents or she won't have anybody and the man is still going to get in trouble. Maybe even probation, many get prison time.
I heard a story about a man that traveled across Illinois border to have sex with a 12 year old girl when he was 23, they met online and decided to meet.....3 times... and the next thing you know he got a hotel room for them to stay in one night. Anyway, he got 10 years for the abuse, traveling across the border and he was already talking to another under age girl on the internet when police arrested him.
See what I mean when I say sad. The things people do these days just for a little action. Jeez...get a girlfriend and hide out for a couple days if your that desperate.

Domestic Abuse

I want to get into a more serious subject today. Abuse. Whether it be sexual, physical or emotional. There always seems to be one, if not more of them in relationships. I will get into each one of them seperately, my next few posts will be about each abuse, lets start with Physical.
I just want to say right off that bat to all women....if a man EVER closes his fist and hits you, he has no feelings for you at all, he may say he is sorry later but he doesn't see you as his female, he sees you just as he would another man. I think it is just wrong for a man to hit a female anyway but believe me there are times when a female needs a slap upside the head to get it back in place. I may even need one from time to time but when it gets the point where bruises are left, that's abuse. Many girls are so into their relationship that they take their man's apology time after time until he gets to the point where he does it at any point in time but girls, please.... see it from the beginning...take my advice and don't let a man ever hit you. Don't even be afraid of him, if he hits you, hit his dumb ass back, give him what he gave you. Same goes for you guys but if you let a female take over and hit you with out you doing anything I'm sorry but your a puss.
If anyone is going through a this type of dilemma go to http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/abuse.html it tells you how to get out of it and even where to get help.
You can also send me a comment or even e-mail me at Carmar2591@yahoo.com if you would like some advice, I've never been in such a position but I am very caring and know what is wrong and when it is wrong so please, come to me if you need some advice.

Why Lie?

I hate when people lie. I mean there is a difference between a white lie and a lie. A white lie is just something little that WON'T hurt someone in the long run but a lie is something that you use to get out of a predicament and hurts you and/or another person in the long run.
I just hate the fact that people lie and get caught up in the lie and then try to deny it. They think their slick though, cause it's a lie, so when you want the truth they had time to think and get an alternative answer to what was really going on. Or even lying to a person about another person. For example my boyfriends ex(still obsessed over him after 6 months) tells me all the time that they seen eachother whether it be at his work or he went to her house or something like that so then it goes to me asking him what the truth is. Don't forget I'm either at school or work when the stuff she talks about had happened. So then he tells me what he tells me and of course I'm going to believe him but that lie is always going to be stuck in my head. I am constantly pondering on what really happened. He's been telling me that I'm going to let her break us up(cause thats what she wants obviously since I have him) cause I believe what she says but I go into I'm not believing it, I'm just thinking about it. So that's why I hate lies cause I never know what to believe.

What do you think? Do you lie to get what you want? Do you ever think about a lie later and wonder if Karma is going to come around? Let me know...